Feelings of dread

I have feelings of dread and despair at the same level regardless of the stakes. So, my tightness in my chest, the rising butterflies in my stomach, my irritability is all at level 10 when a student complained to me about her grade, when the house we were trying to buy took longer than we thought, when I didn’t get pregnant when I wanted to, when I published an article I was nervous about putting into the world. I showed up, I did the things, and I felt like I was going to die.

I’m trying on thoughts such as this is my human experience. I’m still doing the things I said I would do. I can do hard things.

But, there are also thoughts such as I wish I made things easier on myself. I’m so tired of myself. I wish I could move through these “challenges” with ease.

C Feeling in my body
T I hate that I go through this with every single task and obstacle in my life
F Despairing
A Move through life feeling the despair and the despair about the despair
R Get my work done, but have continual panic inside

C Feeling in my body
T This is how I process emotions
F Ease
A move through my commitments
R Show up with ease