Backstory: I asked my dad to help me out while I was cooking. I asked him to put aluminum foil on the baking tray for me. I had my back to him. He was playfully talking to my dog to move so he could get the heavy duty larger aluminum foil from the bottom drawer. I told him he could use the smaller aluminum foil from the top drawer, so my dog Major wouldn’t have to move. He said, “If you’re going to ask for my help, let me do it my way.” I rolled my eyes so hard and I became so angry. I just had to keep breathing and used all my willpower to not act on my feeling.
C: Dad said, “If you’re going to ask for help, let me do it my way.”
T: Wow Dad, that was pretty mean
F: Anger (hurt)
A: Ruminate and have thoughts like:
– I hate it when he says that
-he makes it so difficult to live with him
-because I can’t stand my dad, this is proof that relationships are doomed and meant to fall apart. Humans aren’t meant to stay with one person for long periods of time
-this is proof that no one is meant to be together; how can anyone stand another person if something so simple can make you so mad
other actions: I wanted to tell him to not say what he said because it hurt my feelings. But then I realize that I would have to control so much of what he can or can’t say in order to feel the way I want to and that’s so exhausting.
R: (I need help with the R)
I create evidence to believe that relationships don’t work?
I don’t show up somehow in my relationship with my dad by making words mean something more?
I give him all the power in dictating how I feel, I feel powerless?
And then I just stood there and processed my anger and it was so uncomfortable… I kind of thought everything had gone wrong. It was very confusing but I just stood there and felt it all. And then continued to chop my brussel sprouts. It wasn’t that bad. But the allowing and the processing of emotion was really uncomfortable. I was thinking of everything I could do next time to avoid this… but isn’t this scenario in the future unavoidable? It’s part of the 50/50?