Fighting Desire to move on


Hello Brooke, Love SCS and the VIP Modelthon in Dallas was awesome!
My friend Jodie and I have been friends since we were 12. We went through the high school dating scene together, and all the different stages in our lives since then. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home, raging father who would beat my mother up every chance he could get, had numerous affairs and would come home each night and shout that he wanted to take a gun and blow our heads off. My mother never talked about the trauma her 7 children were experiencing. Fathers are not suppose to be this way.

This scenario continued well into my adult life even after I left home. My father never stopped wanting to hurt my mother until he developed Parkinson’s disease. My mother was overwhelmed with all of this, but would never leave him and would always whine about being a victim to everyone she knew. She had to be rescued from him many times before his disease took over.

Growing up my mother would go to work, come home, cook dinner, read the paper and go to bed. Any time I would express curiosity about anything including why my father was that way, my mother would reply with “As If”. I grew up confused, depressed, and ashamed of our home. My friend Jodie was always so easy going, and her home and parents were so nice, not at all like my home. I enjoyed our friendship, and because she was so easy going, I soon relied on her for all of my decisions. When we were younger, I would try to tell her about my depression and home life, and she would dismiss them and tell me that she didn’t see that. This would annoy me so much I guess she was seeing the person I portrayed myself to be, while the internal me was very depressed, scared, and confused.

We talked to each other almost daily throughout all of our life experiences, dating, marriages, divorces, children, work-life, and now semi retirement. I am still struggling to find my identity and feel addicted to telling her everything, even until this day. She tells me that therapy is a waste of time, and that she tries to be honest and realistic in her guidance. She still annoys me as she restates my sentences, judges my actions, and seems to make light of everything I am doing.

Even with the SCS program, she laughs and says that it is silly to pay money for this, and at some point I should learn everything I need to know. She says that she doesn’t need such a program because she is not as ambitious as I am. She is a fantastic decorator, but chooses to stay home all day, watches Dr. Oz and bible channels, acts like she is an expert, is extremely overweight, and is almost in financial bankruptcy. I should not be annoyed with her because I am more ambitious but can’t seem to move on that ambition. I would like to analyze if I should end this relationship. I realize that I have put so much into her opinions, and also wonder how she put up with me all these years for dumping all of my crap on her. She’s just a person and her opinions are neutral and it’s my thoughts that I am fighting against. She’s not a therapist, and that’s why I am in SCS.

I’m having trouble with doing the Intentional Model on this. My Unintentional models (I have done many) on this are:
Unintentional Model
C I called Jodie last night and told her about the VIP Modelthon and she questioned my actions.
T I hate that I called her again
F annoyed
A Purposely say negative things about what she says
R Hate myself

UnIntentional Model
C I called Jodie last night and told her about the VIP Modelthon and she questioned my actions.
T Her know-it-all comments do not define me
F Defiant
A engage in emotional childhood
R Give her my power

Intentional Model
C I called Jodie last night and told her about the VIP Modelthon and she questioned my actions.
T I listen to her opinions and that’s ok
F Allowing
A Keep what I want and disregard the rest
R Respect myself

Intentional Model
C I called Jodie last night and told her about the VIP Modelthon and she questioned my actions.
T I have outgrown our friendship and it’s time to move on
F ?
A Surround myself with positive people
R ?