figured it out!

Thank you for your answer. (Re: help finding the thought underneath)

I realized over the weekend I’m actually afraid of my own power and stillness.
Then, I’m afraid of even admitting to myself that it exists AND how much of it I feel.
Then terrified because, if I admit to myself that am powerful and able and then truly work to step into it all i have to take 100% responsibility for E V E R T H I N G in my life (which is scary as hell).

Before joining SCS I would have hid, ate, slept, drank, buffered like crazy at all this.

Instead I let myself be terrified and still, continued through my day and reminded myself to feel compassion and to have courage in moments when i want to run from it all.

What’s also different is the frequency in which being ‘terrified’ feels. It’s the type of terrified that is a low frequency, in my experience it’s the type of terrified that let’s you know it’s the thing to follow because when accompanied by courage whatever is on the other side is going to be awesome.

I have some big goals for myself and am SO grateful for your guidance.
August has been MIND BLOWING. I literally cannot wait for September!

Many thanks again