Figuring out a relationship


About a year ago, I got involved with a co-worker I’d been friends with for two years who moved in with me after about a week of our talking about getting together. I was alone and lonely, and he needed a place to go. Now I am wondering if I made a mistake. I’ve done downloads and tried to come up with numerous models, but I’m increasingly not achieving clarity and calm.

Briefly, the circumstances:
1) I carry more of the financial and work burdens, while he concentrates on areas he’s interested in such as feeding the dog and the birds, and making coffee in the morning.
2) He drinks every day, starting early afternoon, and falls asleep in front of the TV every night.
3) He has ED and we’ve never had sex, although we sleep in the same bed and sometimes snuggle. I knew this from the beginning, but thought I could be okay with it (I wasn’t having sex anyway, right?).
4) He seems to have many symptoms of early-onset Alzheimer’s. A friend told me that was one reason his previous marriage ended, but he’s never spoken to me about that, and I didn’t know when I invited him into my home.
5) In general, we don’t talk about any of this, or much of anything else important (except Trump :-)).

Those are the circumstances, and sometimes it feels more like he’s my boarder than my partner. I loved his competent, kind persona at work and we share many interests. It is also wonderful to have help with costs and chores, even if my unintentional model is that the distribution of both is unfair.

Obviously, he hasn’t read my manual. I get that. I also get that my job is to love him without expecting him to change at all. But somehow, in there, I feel like I’m getting lost. Like I can’t say anything without setting him off and making him angry. I feel like I’m swallowing some resentment while trying to just let him be him, and pretending everything is fine isn’t working. But I don’t know how to make it fine in my own head.

I am not sure what to do. Tonight in my thought download I wrote, “I can’t do all this alone,” but then realized that of course I can, and I DID do all this alone before he showed up. It’s better having someone than no one, in my opinion–but am I selling out any chance at a passionate, engaged relationship for help with the mortgage?

Below are tonight’s models:
C: I work in the house all day while he reads and watches TV.
T: This isn’t fair. This is not a partnership.
F: like a victim
A: I say, calmly, “Sometimes I feel like I’m doing all this alone.”
R: He flips instantly from happy to angry, stomps out. No conversation afterwards, and I’m left wondering if I’ve done the right thing or whether I was just putting my “shoulds” on him.

C: I work in the house all day while he reads and watches TV.
T: I am utterly competent and capable, and I wanted someone to take care of who would also take care of me–which he does as best he can.
F: I can get to neutral (or like) rather than angry. Not sure how to get to love.
A: I do the chores without resentment, and arrange for someone to take care of the garden if I don’t finish before we leave Friday on vacation.
R: I am calm, and things get done. I still have help with the mortgage, and he is happy.

Help?! Any pointers, even just what to work on, because there’s a bunch of stuff here, would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!