Figuring out what should I do (marriage)


I have been married to my husband for 14 years, most of the time I have felt like a victim.  I thought he made me feel things, but I know now I co-created what I lived in the past.  Now that I’m doing my work by setting boundaries and saying what I need and not expecting anything to be fulfilled, I am understanding and not judging and accepting him as he is.

I’m scared because I don’t want to be with him anymore.  I think we have a nice relationship because we enjoy saying funny things to each other and we give ourselves space to be with our friends and we have lots of mutual friends. I live a very comfortable life because he works and I don’t have to worry about money and I get to take care of our child and our house. I would say I have everything that I wanted talking about material stuff and a really handsome family, but I don’t feel seen, heard or validated.  Yes of course I am learning to give that to myself. Anyways I feel scared because I want to leave but I feel comfortable where I am. I fear change, living by myself, earning my own money as I use to do before marriage, I fear his reaction if I tell him I want to leave.

Also I have a guy friend who lives in another country.  When I tell him about The Model, thought downloads and consciousness he is very interested and he says he is putting onto practice some of the ideas we talk about.  I think I’m in love with him.  We can talk for hours about many topics and I feel free to express myself without judgement.  I enjoy his virtual friendship, I feel admired by him and to be honest I would love to be with him and see how our relationship works in real life.  I’m trying to figure out what I should do.  Stay and continue working on myself, leave by myself or leave with guy friend.