For many months I have been struggling to set my self action boundary on a roommate who has been consistently violating boundaries, and agreed-upon house rules.
The original boundary action was that I would move out. But I couldn’t find a place. So I failed to follow through
Then it was that I would remove my sound system from the living room. But this seemed kind of petty to me, and not really the right way to set the boundary.
Then today, I realized that I have been avoiding what it really is… asking him to move out if he continues to violate boundaries. The consequences were correct initially “if X continues to happen, I will not live with you anymore.”
The minute I typed it, I knew. Because then came all the fear and panic-inducing thoughts…. BULLSEYE!
“What if he is angry?” “What if he says no?” “What if he gets physically violent” “What if I can’t find a new roommate and die broke and homeless on the street” and so on.
I took a moment to just write them all down. And then I created the intentional model with what I choose to believe, think, and feel instead:
T: I am learning to be a woman who sets clean and clear boundaries
A: Say firmly yet with love, “If this behavior continues to happen, I will need for you to take ownership on moving out”
R: Balanced home (either way)