I had 2 contracts. One if them made up 40% of my income. I was expecting it to continue at least another year but it ended abruptly this month. I’m going into next month with anxiety because I don’t have the coverage for everything and need to find ways to bridge gaps and make cuts until we either secure more business or sell our condo, which we placed on the market last week.

I can cover all our basic needs like rent, food, etc. However, things like payment plans I’m liable for, scholars, purchasing anything for the holidays is all in question.

My thoughts about this were calmer earlier this month with “I’ll figure it out” and “we can make this work”. Somehow I thought money would just magically come along? I didn’t take action from those thoughts.

Now it’s November 27 and I’m thinking I can’t pay my bills (payment plans I’m obligated to pay), I’m going to lose my mental health support (scholars) and general “this is a disaster”

I’m compounding the problem with self-judgment for not taking more action in November, not saving more this year, and being indecisive and frozen around handling the situation. (Although I did take the action of listing the condo).

I do acknowledge that it’s currently Holidays, COVID-19 protocols make showings more limited and there is still money coming in. I do believe the condo will sell and I will replace the lost income. At least long term.

Short term my brain is either in panic or denial. I have decisions to make about what gets cut, what gets asked to be deferred, what, if anything I go into debt for, what else I offer in exchange for money and what that looks like.

Instead of doing this I numb out, eat, scroll Instagram, have a beer, and watch a money manifestation workshop.

I don’t think I’m going to like those results though.

I want to ideally keep scholars, make my payments, have a minimalist Christmas, let go of any overspending temptation, and make some money on top of that.

I see that my current thinking doesn’t put me on track for that. How to bridge the gap?