How to find “the most poisonous thought”?


Here is my thought download today. It is all to do with being really overweight right now.

“I can’t stand this a minute longer. I don’t even know why my weight makes me feel so bad but it does. None of my clothes fit and I lie to myself about that – I tell myself it’s the clothes’ fault. I think about my weight, losing weight, and eating 100% of the time. Every morning it’s the first thing on my mind. And every afternoon I tell myself it’s not that bad after all and it doesn’t matter and I’ll just eat again tonight, just one more night….I just flick between these two states: desperately unhappy and ashamed and trying to believe it doesn’t matter because of the relief of not having to change. I am terrified of not eating”

I wrote it just like that, so that’s what I’m recounting here.

Is my most poisonous thought “I’m terrified of not eating”. It was the sentence that jumped out at me, the one that made me pause for a moment. But maybe that’s not the thought to be working on.

I did models:

C – diet
T – I’m terrified of not eating whatever I want
A – stress and tension
R – eat to relief A

C – diet
T – it’s such a relief to finally be doing something about my misery
F – relief, motivation
A – get on with my day and stick to plan
R – lose weight, finally

Thank you for your advice re. all this.