Finding the strength to leave


I need help and resources to find the courage to say “stop” to my husband and ask him to leave for good.

here is the thing: he is in love with another person and has said he wants to leave me (for other reasons too, the fact that he loves me but can no longer be happy with me and in our relationship, in addition to being in love with another woman). He still loves me and is having a hard time destroying the family and leaving home. So he hesitates and stays and asks for time to make his decision. It has been 7 weeks.

In the beginning, I absolutely wanted him to stay because I wanted him to realize that he was making a mistake, and also I need his presence because I love him, and I refuse to realize there is this girl in his life, and I feel like I can’t live without him…

But since then I have come a long way, and have come out of denial, and realize that I need to respect myself and stop accepting anything (accepting that he enjoys life with me, children etc. while being in love with someone else). I know that I have to kick him out, stop this marriage, separate us, because he loves another woman whose company he has knowingly sought lately despite my requests, and because this thought is too painful. I suffer too much from it, but I can’t tell him all this because at the same time I “feed” on his presence, I love him, and I have a stomach ache at the thought of him leaving.

But I also feel sick to my stomach at the thought of him being in love with another woman. I can’t cope with it. Deep down, in addition to what my girlfriends and my shrink say, I know it’s a waste of time, I know he has to go, I know it’s over, and I know I have to respect myself and not let him be here cuddling me when he feels like it, making love when we feel like it, and living the peaceful family life I used to have at home with the kids to reassure himself and avoid guilt, while being in love with another woman.

How can I find the strength to say “no”, to say “stop”? I am so afraid of actually losing him, and hurting the children (to whom we haven’t said anything yet but we will have to when he leaves). I know that I want and need to find this courage, but I can’t……

Sorry, my email is long and confusing, I’m so sorry.
Could you help me?
Thanks a lot.