Finding thoughts that lead to attraction


I dated a really great guy a while back. Smart, thoughtful, attentive, considerate…every possible adjective. I wasn’t attracted to him but I tried to weather it out because he was fun and we had a great time together. Then we were sitting in this cafe and he got a little gravy on his upper lip. Suddenly he reminded me of Dwight from “The Office” and I couldn’t unsee it. I tried so hard to focus on all the ways he was amazing, but I still just didn’t want to sleep with him. (Immediately following him I dated a guy who was distant and cranky and hard to read and frequently thoughtless and I couldn’t stay away from him, even knowing he was a bad choice). I keep seeing things here about how attraction is in the mind and based on our thoughts, but I’d like to know for future reference, how I should have convinced myself he was attractive? My “type” is a take-charge alpha male (which often seems to accompany being thoughtless etc). Do I somehow convince myself I like something else?