First major obstacle/derailed/something is wrong with me


Hi Brooke, I have been thriving since January with my SCS work, weight loss, and thought life. Thank you! It has actually been so much easier than I ever thought it would be.
However, last month I came across what may be my first major obstacle, and I’ve been off protocol and emotionally all over the place ever since. I’ve been making terrible food choices and gained and lost the same 3-5 pounds for weeks and weeks. I’m not sleeping well and hyperfocused on my health and any little thing that seems wrong. In this time I’ve noticed that I’m more fearful about just about everything…my health, money, the state of our country, and more depressed overall. In doing a thought download tonight I realized I am literally telling myself “You are going to die if you keep this up.” It feels overwhelming.
The obstacle/situation was that I went off on my sister in a rage that was totally out of character for me, and even though I’ve apologized and we’ve worked it out, it’s still awkward and uncomfortable to talk with her. I’ve been beating myself up about it and feeling a lot of shame and condemnation. I realize I am telling myself that something is wrong with me. At the same time I’m trying to be compassionate and understanding with myself to say that since I have not been using food as a buffer, emotions are most likely going to come up that I’ve never dealt with before after years and years of being a people pleaser/doormat and not being honest with myself and others. Particularly with my sister there have been many issues between us over the years that I did not address or deal with and instead just glossed it over with food.
I did the Relationship assignment on my sister from May and it seemed to help a bit. But obviously I have more work to do. I set up a 10 minute coaching call but there wasn’t enough time to really cut through everything to get at the heart of the matter. My thought downloads are all over the place and all negative and emotionally based. It feels like I need to do tons of models to cut through it all. Which of course has led me to do none. I’d love your thoughts about where to start so I can overcome this obstacle in SCS style and get back on track. Thanks so much!!!