Follow up and progress on "not married — bridge thoughts"


Following up to the question I posted regarding bridge thoughts on “marriage = credibility,” I looked long and hard at my thoughts about “not trusting myself.” That was an eye-opener; I realized that trusting myself has been the determining factor across multiple subject matter in my life.

I saw how areas where I’ve improved dramatically since my angst-ridden 20s (body image, what kind of diet works for me, making money, running a business for 9 years) the core cause for improvement was a thought along the lines of: “I know how to do this. I know what I’m doing.” I did several models on stuff that’s great and stuff that’s not as awesome. I became aware of what makes me feel good feelings and experience outward success — it’s just thinking THIS about it: “I’m capable. I know how to do this. I know what I’m doing.” That’s the thought for me that makes things “click.”

The process of observing 20 years of my life history and my current life, and why what works does, and why what doesn’t work doesn’t, took me about an hour with my journal, writing out some models longhand. Doh! And I’d spent hundreds of hours over the years on some of these “problems” with less efficiency. Even with other programs….there were so many unnecessarily elaborate and dramatic explanations for why I had less success in one category of life vs. another. It was my moon sign, or aliens, or soul contracts, WTF. So — THANK YOU.

Here’s the new model regarding marriage:

Circumstance: not married; boyfriend’s mom talks about it.

Thoughts: I know what I’m doing. Marriage exists just like any “permit” process. You can pull a permit and get the government’s recognized stamp of approval to replace a fan in your bathroom, but you don’t have to pull a permit, and the fan will still work if you do a good job picking it, installing it, and maintaining it. I don’t need a “permit” to be in a good relationship because I know what I’m doing. I might still want this “permit” for certain reasons, but having it or not doesn’t say anything about me.

Feelings: Neutral. Amused. Capable. Whole.

Action: [not sure what this is going to look like, other than the opposite of being insecure. A confident person gives off good vibes. In areas of life where I’m confident, I get a lot of respect. I’m just imagining what that would look like across all subject matter — the picture is coming into focus.]

Result: a better life. [not really sure what to say here.]

Anything you’d suggest I would adjust with the above model?