Follow up on Other People’s Models and How We Want to Show Up

Thank you Scholars Coaches for the answer to my question yesterday!

You recommended: “Consider that others may not see you as kind and cooperative. Consider that you can just let them be wrong about you.”

I obsessively consider that others do not see me as kind and cooperative. I don’t know what to do about this. I suppose that’s the second part? Just let them be wrong?

“What is the upside in staying miserable about their thoughts?” I can’t think of any upside at all! The way I’m thinking about it, I’m responsible for their thoughts. Taking responsibility means being miserable for my failures. Is this an upside?

“What would be different for you if you dropped trying to change their models about you?” I fear that I would then behave in a way they would label as rude and inappropriate. F- it, if they don’t like me no matter what I do, why do I have to be anything but direct and simple with them? But if they are punishing me now, maybe I get fired then?

“How could you have your own back here, no matter what others thought about you?” This is a good question. When someone doesn’t like me I have my own back by trying to fix the situation, or changing myself to stop the dislike. What is another way to have my own back?