Following through on my own goals

I seem to be in a pattern of struggling to meet my own goals. I have no problem (usually) showing up when somebody else is employing me. But when I set tasks for myself to accomplish – completing a creative project, making something for sale – I don’t complete the task on time and drag it out forever. I have little motivation and waste a lot of time pen distract myself. I want to work for myself eventually and this habit feels sabotaging.

I’ve tried calendaring and sometimes make goals overambitious, setting myself up for failure. I adhere to a calendar for a week or so and then get exhausted by the demanding schedule I’ve created for myself or just don’t follow through.

I know I can sit down and write the thoughts that come up when I put a task to myself. Usually they’re “I don’t want to” “I don’t feel like it” “it’s too hard or too much work” “it doesn’t really matter” or “im not inspired” “I don’t know if this is going to be good”. I can recognize it’s my brain trying to keep me safe and yet – I don’t do the task. I feel like I’m proving the belief “I’m incapable and a failure”. How can I change this and move forward? I’m so sick of this pattern!