I’ve been in scholars for almost six months now (yay! – VIP in January) and have been focusing on doing the work in the workbooks every day. So amazing. I have also lost 15 pounds since joining. I’ve never been overweight (even with the 15 extra pounds, I was still in the healthy weight range for my height). weight loss was also never really a goal of mine – I don’t have a goal weight right now but I just want to eat healthy foods. I also really like the idea of not being hungry all the time and the possibility that I don’t need to spend so much time thinking about food and feeling hungry every few hours.
So I gradually changed what I ate based on what I’ve learned from you. I stopped snacking. I cut way back on sugar and flour. I eat a shit ton of healthy vegetables now and healthy fats. I feel great in my body. My clothes fit magnificently. I sleep well. I have more energy than I feel like I’ve had in a long time – I rarely want to take a nap in the afternoon unless I’m sick. I like where I’m at, even if my family and friends say “I’m too skinny, I need to gain weight” – I no longer believe them. And trust me, I’m still well within a healthy weight for my height. I’m not even close to being underweight by any means according to my doctor.
I am learning to allow my urges. Sometimes I still get really intense cravings for something sugary, especially when people bring in so many delicious looking treats to my work office. But I let them pass. I’m getting really good at not eating things that are outside of what I’ve planned to eat for the most part.
But, I just went to a party this past week and my primitive brain totally took over. I didn’t plan for what I was going to do at the party in terms of eating, which I realize now was maybe why my primitive brain took over. I was thinking things like: i don’t know what food they’ll have available, so I need to eat everything they pass around or I’ll die (literally – my brain was thinking I was going to die if I didn’t eat). By the time the dessert rolled around, I was like well fuck it, I’d better eat them all! I’m at the point where I’m amused at how DRAMATIC my brain is.
I did some work around what I’m going to make this mean and the insight I had was around my primitive brain and the fact that planning will help mitigate some of the thoughts I was having. But, I am also realizing that maybe some of these things that came up for me are actual beliefs I have – like I will starve if I don’t eat right now. Starving is terrible. Even when I think it now, I find myself starting to panic on the inside. Is it helpful to do models around these beliefs and question them? Or, should I just note them as things coming from my primitive brain and move on? I feel like it’s the former in this case, but wanted to hear your insights.
Thank you so much