I’ve been dating a guy on and off since August. It was mostly distant until 2 months ago because of covid restrictions. Now we see each other in person often. I’ve notice that he never offers to pay for anything, and one time early on he did offer to cook (but it didn’t work out at the time–see below).

I have bought food for him (3ish times), and made him meals (4ish times). I’m noticing that him not offering to take me out or cook for has me thinking sad thoughts, especially since he has shared that he loves cooking. I do have a lot of dietary restrictions because of an autoimmune condition, but he now has a clear list of what I can and can’t eat.

I’ve tried talking about it a few times, but I’m wanting some guidance on how I can show up from a place of wanting to feel connected. It isn’t a deal breaker if he never wants to do food stuff together, but right now my brain is having a lot of thoughts about what it means that he doesn’t think he needs to court me and/or doesn’t like me very much. I don’t want to say to him, “Why don’t you ever ask to take me out or cook for me?,” because that feels like it comes from blame and disconnection. I don’t want that. I want to move through this. I want help figuring out how I can share this preference that I have without it coming off as blaming because what I really want is to gain understanding/connection. Below are some of my default models. These are all versions of the same model from a thought download, but I’m new so I thought I would share different iterations.

C: Meal time
T: He has never wants to pay for or make a meal since we have been dating
F: Sadness
A: Get quiet, sometimes share that I enjoy when we take turns doing special things for
dates like paying for meals as the example, avoid hanging out during meal time, I don’t talk about it directly (this is what I want help with), I get the courage to ask if he would like to make dinner on X night, kind of want to avoid talking to him about it in general etc.
R: He never asks to make or may for meals

C: He did ask to make me dinner once, but I said “no thank you” because I was nervous about my dietary restrictions since I hadn’t shared them yet. Shortly thereafter, we discussed them and he now has a list. This was 2 months ago. I get that he might be a little nervous about cooking, but he has never wanted/asked to pay for or make a meal since we have been dating.
T: Why doesn’t he want to pay for anything for me? Maybe he doesn’t think this is special
F: Sadness
A: Get quiet, sometimes share that I enjoy when we take turns doing special things for
dates like paying for meals as the example, avoid hanging out during meal time, I don’t talk about it directly (this is what I want help with), I get the courage to ask if he would like to make dinner on X night, kind of want to avoid talking to him about it in general etc.
R: He never asks to make or may for meals

C: I asked the guy I’m dating if on X day he would like to make dinner and he said “we can cook together, and I don’t want to go to the store. We can just use what you have in the house.”
T: Why doesn’t he want to do this for me? Maybe he doesn’t think he has to do anything like that to share that he cares for me
F: Sadness
A: I clarify his answer, and then I just kind of say maybe we can pick up take out
R: I say “maybe we can just do takeout”

C: Dating a guy since August, but for 8 weeks in person
T:I want to talk to him about taking each other out on dates since we never have
F: Scared
A: Mostly avoid bringing it up, but I do bring it up sometimes by sharing that trading making/buying meals is important to me and I’m wondering if that is something we can incorporate, avoid hanging out during meal times, offering way ahead of time to make meal