Food journal

I’ve been keeping a food journal for many years. I regularly lose and then regain the last 10 to 15 pounds. When my weight is down, keeping the food journal seems like overkill or obsessive and I sometimes think that losing and regaining that weight is a form of buffering. So I’ll stop for a bit but I quite quickly start eating unconsciously and overeating and gaining weight. When I write down what I eat, I eat a lot less ‘junk’.
So yesterday I went back to writing it all down again but im feeling like I failed at letting the weight struggle go. (My ultimate goal has always been freedom around food and my weight)
Should I just accept that I will always have to write my food down to maintain my weight?
My brain tells me it’s unnatural and I should be able to do it without the food journal.