My husband lied to me for 5 years about going to strip clubs. I continually make excuses for him in my mind – it wasn’t his fault – his friends wanted to go- he didn’t suggest it. He did get lap dances which I did not understand at first what that entailed. When I did I sadly realized there is no question that this was a huge boundary violation regarding our relationship. This has all been very hard on him and I have been very angry. The thing is- he wants me to be happy and support me but he is very hurt by my version of this experience which is that he cheated on me. He is responding like I am ridiculous to which I think “well, you really should have checked about my thought about lap dances first”. And if he hadn’t lied it wouldn’t have been cheating. But he did lie. Now he won’t go back to strip so he says. And I believe him. But still. He hasn’t changed. He still is a man who would lie to his wife about strip clubs and lap dances (which are worse than I realized). He confessed to everything when I finally realized to ask directly. It never would have occurred to me to even consider such things. I usually have almost too firm boundaries. If I didn’t love him and love our family with kids, I would have left him. Honestly I would have left if we didn’t have kids regardless of how much I loved him. I do not put up with this. But I do. I choose to stay with a man who lied to me. I thought he was my best friend. i have never been so betrayed and I am lost for the right answer. I am really trying to get over it but he is the same. Even if he isn’t lying to me, he is the same person who did. I love our life and our time together. Help.