Found my thought

I am working on my relationship with my 6 year old daughter and 3 year old son. and in the last few months I have uncovered a few unintentional thoughts
1. I don’t like them.
2. I have to change them.
But last night there was another thought “I have the worst daughter in the world!”

we have 2 puppies. And my daughter wanted to make a fort with the sofa cushions. there were 4 of her jackets on one of the cushion for the last few days. Last night, because she wanted to make a fort she took the jackets and just dumped them on the bedroom floor. I asked her why the jackets were on the floor. Asked her to tidy up – and she said “I don’t like tidying up” in a whining way. So then I threatened to throw away the jackets, and she cried

C- 4 pieces of jackets on the floor. Daughter said “I don’t like tidying up”
T- I have the worst daughter in the world!
F- pissed off
A- Tried changing her in a threatening way – in some ways I was trying to break her with force and threat. Created drama with me stomping off towards the rubbish bin outside and she crying and running behind me. Made bed time even later with all the drama. Not acting in the loving way to ask her to tidy up.
R- I created the worst relationship with my daughter.

In the past I thought I have to change her was the thought – but this is probably the action, there is another underlying thought – I have the worst daughter in the world.

I wonder why I’m choosing to think this way