Frantic feelings

I can’t shake the frantic feeling of change happening and the strength it takes to process. Here is my thought down load and my 2 models. I think I am getting there but go between models when I’m not managing my mind.

August 3rd thought download:  Kids not contacting me unless I contact them. Not Hearing much. They are short. Are they mad? What is going on? What did I do? Why is this happening? I can feel something is up. Woke up frantic in night. Kept thinking that husband’s kids will never talk to me again and people don’t like me. So frantic feeling, a bit stressed and anxious. Then I started to talk to myself about compassion. Yes, people like you. You have lots of friends. You have many people who love you. Sister is mad as I am back with husband.  Friend’s visit went good but I felt husband was putting on a show. I feel like I am in a play of sorts. Things are not really real. I feel like I am going to be found out. What does that mean?  I want to feel confident but I feel so restless. I drank socially this weekend. Was good when neighbor came over. Drank with friend on Saturday.  One became more just like I suspected. Kept control but see how easy it is to fall. Feel like I need something. Don’t know what can fill me. Feel a little empty.

Unintentional Model
C: the weekend
T: I need people to like me
F: frantic
A: want to post pics on Facebook of good times. Checking husband’s computer to see what he is doing. Wanting to control others. Wrote step daughter. Wrote all the kids. Ruminating.
R: feel insecure and like a fraud. Feel like I will be found out. What a strange feeling. So what?

Intentional Model:
C: the weekend
T: I am learning how to be more confident
F: determined
A: wait for others to contact me. Try to control my mind when it starts to wander about why things are happening. Concentrate on the results I want and manage my thinking. Spend time processing emotion, spend time processing, feeling and observing the frantic feelings rather than resisting them. Spend time asking “so what?”, watch and be aware of mind telling me unkind things.
R: I learn to be more confident.