The free massage that wasn’t


I won a massage in a drawing my friend created of friends who had helped her most during her mom’s final illness. (Which I did from love – it felt great to do.) My friend’s daughter owns the massage studio. After I had the massage, the receptionist could not find a record that it had been pre-paid.

I asked them to call the owner to confirm that it was a freebie. They couldn’t reach her so I paid with my credit card and said that I could use the “gift massage credit” towards a future massage, or get credit on my VISA.

When I called the studio and spoke to the owner today, she said she didn’t know why they didn’t look in the gift card box. I asked her to back the charge out because I didn’t know when I would want to book another massage and I preferred not to have it charged on my VISA. (Not my vision of ‘paying it forward’.)

She said she didn’t know how to do that. (!) I caved and said, “ Not a big deal. I’ll take the credit to a future massage.” Now I am annoyed with myself for not asking her to call VISA and determine how to reverse the charge.

Had she not been my friend’s daughter, I would have. No doubt.

Unintentional thoughts:

Oh, fuck this.
Suzie (my friend) has been through so much; I don’t want her daughter complaining to her.
I am too Midwestern polite.
I betrayed myself.
I want to try another massage therapist at a different place; not a gift card here.
My “winning the lottery” is costing me $87.

(My philosophy/rule/policy is to be deliberate when choosing do something not clearly in my initial interests; to do it from from a place of abundance. Which of course is a feeling created by a thought. I imagine that I have a basket of flowers that keeps refilling and I give them away with no expectation of “thank you” – it’s all from the great feeling of giving. I am not there yet in this deal.).

Intentional thoughts:
It’s NOT a big deal.
Good info for the future to get all the info ahead of time.
I am supporting my friend for letting this go so her daughter won’t whine to her. (Manipulation?!)
What’s not too like about a future pre-paid massage.

As I write, I think the suffering is the thought I should have had more backbone.
And that I should not be annoyed – I can afford it.

I think I have a blindspot here. It’s such a First World/1% problem, but since “pleaser” is something I am working on I appreciate your thoughts. Thanks.