Friend Complaining About Her Boyfriend


I’m a new scholar struggling with NOT imposing my learnings from SCS onto my friend and trying to decide if I should follow her recent request about my behaviour in situations where she is complaining about her boyfriend.

I don’t tell her things from the LCS directly. Still, when she complains about her boyfriend, I talk with the subtext that he is his own person and sometimes offer alternative thoughts/perspectives about him in a way that comes from love instead of frustration/criticizing. I was super jealous of him years ago – when they first started dating, I hated him because I had a crush on her, but I put in a lot of work to like him and respect him being him. Now, whenever she complains about him, I’m not on board. The idea that she wants me to agree when she insults him (calling him a “baby”, “prince”, “selfish asshole,” etc.) feels repulsive to me now.

C: My friend told me yesterday, “when I’m upset, you need to let me vent and tell me I’m right – not give me advice.”
T: If I validate her complaints about her boyfriend, she will be satisfied for 3 seconds, then we’ll both be worse off because we’ll be full of toxic thoughts about him
F: Disengaged
A/R: (feels too soon to tell)

I’ve also put in a lot of thought work about her friends/best friend not be jealous of their relationship because she’s my only close friend.
Yesterday when she called me to rant about her boyfriend (she never calls me), she said that her best friend didn’t pick up, and her best friend always calls her boyfriend a “prince” and an “asshole”. I interpreted this as a threat that if I don’t behave in the way she wants me to/is in her manual, she will turn to other people to confide in and then like them more. I feel repulsed by the situation and don’t know if whether to look to new thoughts, think about manuals, or just straight up stop dishing out advice/perspectives that relate to SCS.

C: She called me to vent after her best friend didn’t pick up
T: She was testing me, and I failed
F: Threatened
A/R: ??

C: My friend told me yesterday, “when I’m upset, you need to let me vent and tell me I’m right – not give me advice.”
T: She’s threatening my principles and doesn’t appreciate me for me
F: Insulted
A: Brainstorm ways to put up boundaries/disengage from these situations
R: Losing her trust/friendship????

C: My friend starts complaining about her boyfriend
T: I’m here for her if she wants to hang out or needs advice
F: Neutral
A: Disengaging
R: Being the kind of friend I respect

^ This might be the one. What do you think about the manual/sharing insights from the SCS side?