I’ve known my best friend Jana for 13 years. For the past 10 years, we’ve chatted on the phone for hours every other Friday at 5:30 PM. We share everything we think: mental health, social issues, politics, etc.
In September, they came out as non-binary. They have been struggling with their identity since. They have been on waiting lists for months to see a psychiatrist.
At the end of February, they missed one of our Friday calls. They sent “can’t” when I asked if we were still talking. They didn’t answer my messages for the next few days. On Monday, I asked a common friend if she had heard from them recently; she hadn’t. I then figured something was wrong.
Our common friend Mary called them until they picked up. Mary then reported to me: 1) they went out with a guy. They found out the guy was a registered sex offender. 2) They don’t want to be talking. I made it mean a lot and worried extremely. Got coached on it multiple times during my SCS weekly sessions.
I started sending GIFs over text to tell them “I love you”, “I’m thinking about you”, “Always there for you, whatever you need”. I Never got a response. Months went by.
A friend and coworker of Jana, Liz, had been monitoring that they were alive and going to work during all that time. Last night, Liz replied to my text with enquiring news. I hadn’t sent a text in over a month. Liz sent: “We have been hanging out and talking. They are doing quite well”. And later: “They feel hurt and ganged up on by friends who didn’t give them the space they asked for”.
I have MANY thoughts about this!
– They never told me they needed space, or whatever they needed: they never said ANYTHING to me. They just fell off the face of the Earth overnight.
– Is this a joke? Mary and I (and other friends we contacted) have been worrying like crazy for months about their mental health. They kept us in the dark. And it turns out they’re completely fine?!
– They are the one feeling hurt? I was left hanging for MONTHS without so much of a text saying what they were going through or what was happening.
Where do I go from there?
I have so many new feelings: anger, hurt, and unfairness. I had been feeling sadness, worry, and grief.