Hi Brooke,

Would love some help getting clear on this one. A couple years ago I got fed up with a long-time friend and what I perceived was her snarkiness and dismissal of me, and general self-absorbed nature. I value being the kind of friend that accepts all kinds of differences in others (and I see her as very entertaining, lively, and fun, while yes having some of those other negative traits), but at the time I got caught up with some new friends that didn’t like her (oh the drama, you’d think this was high school). I ended up getting all high and mighty and Instant Messengering her about what I perceived as her faults, and also my feelings about our friendship. I think it was a pretty juvenile way to address everything, and have regretted it ever since. She has been civil when we’ve been around each other since then, but not friendly. Recently, after maybe a year of silence, I tried yet again to reach out, and I asked if she’d like to get together to catch up. I was very happy when she quickly said yes and have seen her 2 or 3 times now, mostly in group situations however (at a club she likes to go to). At first she seemed very happy to see me, happy to talk to me about things going on with her, etc. I thought our friendship might be on the way to repair.

To get to the point, unfortunately she has now stopped responding to my IM’s again. I’m very sad about this. I’ve sent her 3 messages (a fun one, then an offer of help for when her elderly parents were going to be in town, then waiting a few weeks I just today asked if she was available and wanted to get together this week). I know there’s no way to know why she is not responding, or anything else I can do. But being ghosted makes me crazy! So I must be thinking a thought.

C: Friend is not responding to messages
T: She has decided she doesn’t want to renew our friendship after all.
F: Sad, depressed, angry (at no response)
A: Do nothing more
R: Don’t have a renewed friendship

Intentional:
C: Friend is not responding to messages
T: I can forgive myself for the past and move forward. I can be a friend without being in contact.
F: Self-confident
A: Be available for friendship without reaching out.
R: Renew MY friendship with her.

Am I on the right track? The second model makes me feel more powerful and less frustrated. Would love your thoughts.

Thank you, Brooke!
*Jen