friend who raises resistance in me

hi, I have a friend who I spend a lot of time with as we are in the same book club, cycling group and friendship group in our locality as our kids went to the same primary school (though they are all in their ’20s now). Her daughter is very clever though has a lot of mental health issues and I believe my friend exaggerates the problems and even adds to the situation.
c friend says to me that even I have said that people don’t know what its like unless they have been in that situation
t I may have said that but you and your daughter are still creating your own reality and you’re making things worse
f frustrated
r ruminate on how she creates so much resistance in me rather than compassion