I am not sure how to handle a falling out in a friendship I have had for 14 years. We became friends because our children are friends, but I don’t want to be friends with her anymore because of two main reasons.
1) She owes me $2000.00 and has not paid it back. It has been 10 years. I have asked for her to pay me back several times over the years, and she still makes little to no effort. About a year ago, I saw a pop up that said she had just donated to a stranger on Facebook. I called her and told her that I was upset that she didn’t prioritize paying me back, but could donate to a random person on Facebook. She immediately Venmo’d me 100 bucks, which I then told her that wasn’t even the point. I said I just want you to make an effort- even just 10 bucks a month. But it was crickets after that. I make that mean that she doesn’t prioritize me or respect me or value our friendship.
2) She has written negative things about me and my kids on Facebook, not naming names, but I still saw them, and the details were obvious. The first time she did it, I let her know that I saw it and that I really didn’t like that at all. She apologized, but has done it two more times. I make that mean she doesn’t respect my feelings and I think she is insensitive.
I feel like I have been allowing or accepting behaviors I don’t like for years because our children were friends and I didn’t want to rock the boat. But now with our kids old enough to manage their own relationships, I feel free to let the friendship fade away. But I just keep getting stuck in this thought that I need to reach out so that she doesn’t feel bad, but that seems crazy! She hasn’t reached out to me. Am I people pleasing? Am I manipulating? Or am I just trying to fix something that can’t be fixed because I have my thoughts and she has hers? I am sad that it has come to this because we have a lot of history, but I know that I can’t make her pay me back or stop doing things I don’t like. It just feels like unresolved conflict and I am so uncomfortable with that. Perhaps I should just accept that when relationships end, it is sad and uncomfortable?
When I ask myself how do I want to feel about her, I have no idea how to answer that question. I care about her AND I can’t have a close relationship with her because she doesn’t respect my boundaries?
I feel stuck.