Friendship/Rejection


A couple of years ago, my husband and I started to hang out with five other couples in town. We became closer over the pandemic since we were all in “lockdown” near each other. We would invite each other over to backyard get-togethers and had a lot of fun. However, about a year ago, we noticed that four of the couples started to hang out more and now go on vacation together. While we’re sometimes included for the local dinners, we’re not included in others and never on the trips.

I feel rejected by this and it has made me not want to hang out with them. I toggle back and forth between feeling like this is immature of me on the one hand, and then other times, feeling like I’m justified and would prefer not to hang out with people who don’t seem to want to include us in that way. It really feels like a “fact/circumstance” that they rejected us.

C: Four couples went on a trip. We were not invited to go
T: They prefer other couples to us
F: Rejected; hard feelings
A: Don’t hang out with them as much; don’t invite them or be more selective about when we go out
R: We are not as close

When I write this, it doesn’t feel good. But at the same time, I don’t want the result of being close friends with them either. I think I want the result of just being their acquaintance but without the feeling of rejection or having hard feelings. Can we do a model where the result is a feeling?

C: Four couples went on a trip. We were not invited to go
T:
F: Neutral
A: I don’t really think about them when I don’t see them.
R: We are acquaintances/social friends

This does not feel true or believable. I really feel like my feelings were hurt by them.