I spent some time with the looming negative feelings on the evolvement of my friendships and here’s what I came up with:
I revisited my thoughts about the purpose of friendships and decided I want friendships based on connection with others who are focused on their goals / dreams accepting that my girlfriends do have goals and dreams but theirs are different than mine: get marry, buy a house and have a baby while my goals are take care of my physical and mental health, travel the world with my partner, and make art. I can still find a connection with them and be able to relate to the obstacles, challenges and growth pains we all have to deal with as humans when we want something.
Second of all, I realized I haven’t been clear with my boundaries on my time. I have decided I will never “make” myself do anything I do not want to do and I will never use guilt as a reason to do something for someone. For example, I strongly dislike wedding festivities and baby showers. I went through years of playing bridesmaid / maid of honor when I really hated the idea, all the drama with wedding planning and the bridezilla moments; it ended up costing me my best friend who I am no longer friends with. I wasn’t honest with her, didn’t set my boundaries and it ended up ruining our friendship. I just realized this by doing the thought work on friendship.
I’ve changed my negative thoughts from:
I don’t want to spend my valuable time talking about baby stuff
How can I connect with my friend through our human experience of wanting something, going after it and becoming something different when we get it?
This makes me feel connected and more open to having a meaningful friendship.
It doesn’t mean I will RSVP “Yes” to their baby showers and I have made peace with myself that I do not have to explain why or feel guilty.