Gaslighting vs Self-Coaching

While listening to the Sept 5 call, something crystallized for me. There was a question about what sounded like a verbally abusive husband. Sure, you can assign new meanings to situations, but how do you know when you are choosing a more-helpful thought, and how do you know when you are merely gaslighting yourself and staying stuck as a result? I know you can refuse to put “abusive” or “disrespect” in the C line because those are opinions and adjectives, not nouns, but what if that’s the situation? Than k you.