It’s scary for me to feel like I can’t afford something I want. I then tell myself I didn’t want it anyway and this confuses me because I wonder if I tell myself I don’t want it because I can’t afford it. And if I really wanted it, then I’d be able to pay for it. My mind makes not being able to afford something mean that I’m going to fall through the economic cracks of our society. It tells me that I’m falling behind and the only way to adjust is to adjust my expectations, and that means to expect less and less.

By living this way, I’ve been able to put together savings, but it hasn’t felt good the whole way. I know that life doesn’t need to feel good the whole time I’m making certain decisions, but I feel like it’s time for a change to a different set of 50/50 experiences than the ones I’ve had so far.

Telling myself I can afford to pay for the things I want has always been a stopping point for me because my brain gets hung up on the how. I need more help believing into having what it is I want. Do I cultivate desire for the things I currently have, or do I create options to get more money? I want to run away from the feeling of not being able to afford something, not realizing that not being able to afford something is just a neutral C, and that I can decide to feel any way I want to about it.