I get turned off easily when men show more interest in me than I do in them initially during online dating interactions (prior to a face-to-face meeting). This usually happens when I try to make a polite, indirect excuse to get out of the conversation with them and they want to keep texting with me or ask, what to me, seems like a stupid question to prolong the interaction. Usually, this should be flattering, but it seems socially inept to me when I try to give a signal that we will talk later and they seem like they don’t get it or are intentionally ignoring it. I get really turned off by this behavior and usually make up an excuse to stop talking to the guy. I’m not sure if I am justified in wanting to take it a little slower to gauge my true interest level in him or if I’m just not open to someone really liking me on such little information. When someone does show an interest in me, I find ways to disqualify them and run away toward someone more emotionally unavailable. I would like some feedback on my model.
UM
C: Man sends text after I am ready to stop texting
T: This guy is already going to be suffocating
F: Repulsed
A: Make a polite excuse to get out of the conversation, call a friend to ask them what to do, get upset that they seem to want more interaction, wrack my brain to figure out a good way to reject them quickly, worry that they will be too needy or too into me and that I will feel guilty all the time for not wanting the same, worry that he is going to want too much communication too fast and I will be manipulated into a relationship before I’m ready, worry that he expects me to take care of all of his emotional needs too soon, feel like his expectation that I should be available to text even though we are strangers to be kind of sexist and presumptuous, daydream about men who ignore me or don’t text as often, have urges to connect with people who give me more space in the getting-to-know-you process
R: Suffocate myself with thoughts about this person based on a few actions of his
IM
C: Same
T: We have different texting needs
F: Curious
A: Don’t let myself get upset that this guy is violating my boundaries, tell him directly that I will text with him later, don’t let his texting style dictate my level of interest, don’t read into his behavior just yet, work on my level of emotional availability and ability to tolerate someone’s positive interest in me, don’t make his level of interest mean anything about my lack of reciprocal interest thus far, don’t make my lack of interest in constantly texting mean anything about me, don’t be afraid that this is already going to be an area of huge conflict and then run away from it
R: Text when I want to and don’t when I don’t want to
