Getting back on track eating wise and portion control with exercise.

I started going off flour and sugar in May. Since my impossible goal is something else entirely (and I could see myself buffering with weight loss), I was pretty easygoing with the plan. Nevertheless, as I saw results, I was encouraged, so I became stricter with myself, even introducing some intermittent fasting. These were all pretty useful and I thought I had been doing a pretty good job of feeling urges and I was pretty proud of myself for my progress.

Then, a few things happened. 1) Stress and anxiety for my impossible goal (writing a script) has ratcheted up because the deadline has gotten closer. 2) I started bike commuting to my offices (6.5 miles each way, 15 round trip). This is great because it feels good and allows me to take breaks in my writing. This is harder because it makes me hungrier and while I’ve been good about the kinds of food I’m eating, I still often overeat. And then 3) I did a 200 mile bike ride weekend before last during which I allowed myself to eat ALL the things, because I had never done anything like that before.

The result has been that in the week since the bike ride, I’ve had a lot of messy mind talk around food and I haven’t been eating very well. I also find my mind spinning on food a lot more, and the intensity of the desire to buffer from my impossible goal with food seems like a lot. And somehow, the more I obsess/think about it and tell myself at the end of the day that I’m REALLY going to commit the next day, I feel so crazy when I submit to lizard brain and don’t. The thoughts feel a lot like when I used to binge and purge (both with food and exercise) which is disconcerting.

I understand that this experience is an opportunity to be compassionate with myself and work through all of these triggers, but would love any advice because I have all kinds of negative thoughts about portion control which make me feel crazy and out of control (“I can’t do it” “It helps me just to be able to eat what’s in front of me” “I’m hungry because I’m exercising. Isn’t that normal?”) so guidance there would be helpful. I also don’t want to stop biking because it feels good. I’d also love to be able to figure out a way to get this under control, while still focusing on the other impossible goal. Help! (and thanks :D)