Getting Past the Anger & Sadness at Myself

I’m still struggling with the self-love and self-forgiveness piece. Brooke coached a mom named Toni the other day and I could so relate. I, too, am chronically mad at myself and it comes out as a short fuse or “edge” to people, my kid, inanimate objects. What are the concrete actions to replacing this self-directed anger, sadness and disappointment with actual. These emotions cycle but don’t move.
Could be a lot of things: didn’t follow through with a work thing, said something in a meeting, yelled at my kid, weighed myself, forgot something, accepted too low of a client fee
T: you suck! always messing up.
F: mad at myself (or sad)
A: beat myself up more
R: more angry, more on edge

even when i try to change this:
T: you did the best you could
<a voice always rushes in and says “No, you didn’t, you could have done way better. You messed up!” .

yes i talk to myself as “you” much of the time.

The funny thing is people always tell me how confident, fearless, badass, powerful I seem.
Inside I’m constantly beating myself up, believe I’m damaged, weak, nasty, a disapointment. So surprise… I feel sad.