I am stuck when it comes to my relationship. It feels like every disagreement leads me to ‘let go’ of what I want, it feels like ‘giving in.’ My husband buys very expensive furniture, then doesn’t like it and replaces it. He buys crazy expensive cars and always wants to buy a new house. Most likely we can afford it, he makes a lot of money. But I struggle with money issues and guilt over having so much more than others. And the cars are just embarrassing to me.
Also, I don’t know exactly how much money there is, which might make me feel better if I knew we were living within our means.
I want a house and possessions that also reflects my style and taste (he has great taste also and I am certainly not adverse to having nice things) but it is way easier to just give in and skip the fight and let him pick. I can think good thoughts about him, trust him, recognize that nothing else is really matters. But it feels like I never get ‘my way,’ as childish as that sounds.
Can you help me with this model, which reflects pretty much every fight we have?
C New car shows up
T People will think we are frivolous and flaunting our wealth
F Embarrassed, angry
A Withdraw, don’t talk about the car, let it go
R A divide between us
C New car
T He has earned this, he deserves to have what he wants
F Pride in his accomplishments
A Be supportive, enthusiastic
R We enjoy a nice car