I went on a date that went fine. Not great, but fine. I texted him afterward; he did not respond. I ruminated on this for a few days and made it mean many negative things about myself. I decided to text again, something casual, which I considered an invitation to start a conversation. I told myself… “if I don’t hear back from this guy, I was definitely ghosted and needed to let go ASAP. If I do hear from this guy and it’s a one-word answer, I’m going to be the one not to respond this time, and I’ll feel a lot better about the whole thing and let it go.”

Funny enough, he didn’t say any words that I was able to ignore, but he didn’t ignore me either. He acknowledged my casual text by “loving” it on iMessage.

I take this “reaction” to my text to mean one of three things.
-He was busy and couldn’t talk, but he wanted to acknowledge me
-He really wants me to STFU and never texts him again, but he doesn’t want to ghost me completely
-He doesn’t like texting as much as I do, and he thinks this is “normal” behavior, and he has no idea that I am ruminating on this

My manual for him is definitely showing:
-He should have texted back
-If he doesn’t like me, he should say so
-If he didn’t like me during the date, he shouldn’t have let me sleep at his place
-If he didn’t like me during the date, he shouldn’t have said, “let’s hang out again soon,” as I was leaving
-If he doesn’t want to see me again, he should tell me why instead of making me wonder

I really feel like I’ve given him all the power, and I feel like he has all the power because he’s the one being short, ignoring, and not communicating.

At a certain point, it’s not even about me liking him and hoping he’d like me back. It’s like. I want to have the opportunity to “have the upper hand” and ignore him. I want to be allowed to be short in my responses. I want him to say, “let’s hang out again,” and have me not respond! That’ll show him!

I sometimes think about what I would say if I decided to text him again and when I would do it. 3 weeks? 8 weeks? Will I still care in 3-8 weeks!? What could I possibly say, and how long could I wait to guarantee me a response?! I google how to do it. I talk to friends. I’m going a little nutty.

I feel rejected. It hurts, even though I don’t even really like him.
It gets better as the days go on, but I also feel in a hurry to feel better about this.