Giving yourself what you want out of relationships by changing your thinking


My partner and I are not as physical as I’d like. It has been this way for awhile (in my opinion).

I’ve spent a lot of time being angry and sad over it. Then I tried to just accept it and love him anyway. Move on so to speak and commit to my decision. I do love him despite this so I feel like accepting it is what I want to do. Trying to change it also seems to be a waste of time.

Recently I asked myself why I wanted our physical relationship to improve so much. What do I think I would gain?

I realized that to me, if we had sex I would feel more loved. I think our relationship would be more exciting and romantic. I would feel desired.

So, after watching a coaching call, a coach mentioned you have to give yourself these things first. I’ve kind of given up on trying to get sex since chasing doesn’t work. But it would be nice to feel these things I desire as a starting point. Instead of feeling angry or sad which helps nothing.

My question is, how do you give yourself those things? Are they just provoked by only a thought that I have to believe? Do I have to slowly build a thought latter?

The best and only true thing that I can come up with is

T: My boyfriend loves me deeply and I love him deeply.
F: Loved
A: Not worry so much about relationships perceived flaws and enjoy our relationship
R: A very loving relationship

But this doesn’t make me feel desired or romantic. Maybe these are just things I shouldn’t want to want anyway? Since they aren’t that important?

Any feedback on what to do next would be appreciated.