Got divorced, can’t move on

I got divorced. I have been in a new long term relationship for a couple of years now.

I’ve had doubts at many points through the process about whether I did the right thing, but since I started SCS, I feel like I’ve just been overwhelmed with and uncertainty.

My impossible goal for 2018 is to lose 100 lbs. I was on a roll from Thanksgiving till the New Year and actually lost weight over the holidays which was amazing. Felt like I had lost the desire that used to drive me to sugar.

But the more I’ve been doing this work, the more wanting to buffer has been coming back with a vengance. I think you warned us when we stop buffering… we’d feel our feelings. Yep. That happened. OUCH! 🙂

I’ve been crying and crying with so many thoughts about my ex-husband and loss of ‘our family’. I’ve started a new family – bought a house with my new partner and my kids live with us most of the time. But when I look at my life with my kid’s dad… I’ve just been overwhelmed with grief and loss at the life I chose to leave.

It is also so clear to me now that I’ve started doing this work is that I could have made my marriage work if I had these tools at the time. My perspective has changed. But so has life… we both have new partners now and have moved on.

C- I got divorced
T- I made a huge mistake
F- sadness, shame, loss
A- not engaging in my current relationship, crying over pictures of my family when the kids were little, living in the past and wishing things were different
R- endless loop, not living in the present, unhappy

C- I got divorced
T- I’m lucky to have such a supportive new partner
F- love
A- treat him well, and let him in emotionally
R- happiness?

I could use help with the 2nd model. Really not sure where to go with it. Do I focus on my new partner and the life I’ve committed to? Or should my focus be more about those feelings about my ex and my divorce that I have spent many years buffering away?