hi coaches

so i joined scs because of my doubts concerning my bf.
and i’ve learned so so much about myself and my relationship.
long story short: i don’t have any doubty anymore.

i can truly say i think he is the love of my life and i find him attractiv and i love our relationship. and i’m so lucky!!
thanks to all the coaches who stuck with me on this.
and the coaching with brooke, with jenn hatch and kari holliday helped so so much!

I now know that i can always choose how i want to feel and think about my bf. and i won’t feel forced but it will feel amazing!
(funny because i thought it will be horrible trying to think and feel something else that wasn’t my first reaction)

i’ve learned that i find men more attractiv or also they fit more in my love story if i can look up to them, if they are superior to me. the more dramatic kind of love.
JUST BECAUSE it feels more rewarding and special haha. i was so surprised when i’ve found that out.
and also really relieved. because i can choose to be attractiv to the “good kind of love and relationship”. the calm ones. and the real ones.
it’s just as rewarding and beautiful.

the next challenge i face now is that i have like old patterns meaning whenever i meet an “old” friend meaning someone who was friends with me when i had that negative doubting story in my head about my bf i tend to not go out with them as often. i notice how i try to not see them. Because they remind me of that story and i’m scared it will come back to the point where i feel helpless and i can’t do anything about it. where i feel anxiety and feel like i’m trapped and can’t change.
i know its only a fear. and i tell myself to go out with them anyways because it’s only a good training so my “good story and love” for my bf gets even stronger.

i find myself reacting the same way i reacted when i had doubts about my bf.
like my brain has forgotten we are happy now and i love him.
it’s like i’m taking to a person and then my brain is like: omg, we have doubts. fuck, you are NOT happy. freak out, freak out, freak out.
i used to do that.
and my brain seems to have practiced it so many times that it continues to do that.

this saturday i’m going out with a friend. always when i was with her my thoughts about my doubts were stronger.
because i’ve the impression that she is the happiest girl and has the most fullfilled life. so i freaked out even more because of the contrast of my doubting thoughts. and my brain was like: omg, we are not happy!!! something is wrong with your relationship. stop trying to hide and save it. bla bla
i felt really bad, and distracted.
so this saturday its the first time i meet her as the new me. and i would love your suggestions.
i always think to myself how i feel when i am with him. because that soo good. so much love and pride!
would love to hear you thoughts no this! maybe i can learn so more!!

hugs