My parents called me two days ago and announced that my father was diagnosed with blood cancer and will start chemo this coming Monday.
He cried over the phone and said he is devastated and I was there for him, listening, offering help, offering to be there.
Shortly after I got the call I found myself crying for only few minutes and while he is constantly on my mind, I find that my mood throughout the days is really relatively ok. People who don’t know about that will never guess and I don’t feel like I am pretending or pushing the feelings away.
I truly believe that I cannot take away the diagnosis from him. And I also believe he lives in a place where there is supreme medical care, that I hope medicine will do what sometimes medicine does, and that all I can offer is being there for him and my mom. It’s as if I don’t see a reason to go nuts and lose myself and drown myself in cupcakes, something I would definitely do in my life prior to SCS, and I just let each day bring forth what it needs to bring.
Do you think it’s not normal? Have I gotten too good at managing my mind that I am not freaking out like someone should?