Grand-mother & apple pie


Hi Brooke,
Me again! Today I’m bringing some sauerkraut and an apple pie to my grand-mother’s. I’ve decided I’ll have save my joy eat for something else than the apple pie. But I keep thinking about it, though. I’m noticing each craving (I’m salivating as I’m typing the words “apple pie”) and adding them to my 100 urges list (up to number 86 now!).
But I’m also trying to find the thoughts underneath the wanting, the emotion. I’ve known for quite some time now that I tend to eat food that my husband’s bought for himself, especially when he’s not home, to get the feeling that I’m with him. So if I eat his food, I get a little piece of him.
I may be using the same pattern with my Grandma: if I eat some apple pie I bought for her, then it’s as if she eats it too and enjoys it. Nuts. It’s as if I wanted to control her feelings through my own actions. Is that mixing models too?
It occurs to me I take her for a puppet, a doll as if we were playing together: “let’s pretend you eat the pie and enjoy it”, while I would put the piece of pie in my mouth, and her words (“Mmmh, how delicious it is!”) would come out of my mouth.
Here’s the intentional model I’d like to use:
C – apple pie
T – My grand-mother is my grand-mother, she can do what she wants, she can be who she wants. I’m myself, I can do what I want, I can be who I want.
F – relaxed
A – I eat what I need / want / like.
R – I like myself better because I act for myself and in my interest. I let others act in their own interest.
What do you think?
Have a great day!
Nan