Grandfather doesn’t want to see grandson


Today my father told me that he doesn’t want to see my son (3 yrs old) until his sleep issues are resolved because it’s too disappointing to him when we need to cancel our plans due to my son’s severe sleep issues.

We’re working with my son’s doctor, and we’re waiting on an appointment with a sleep coach, and hearing that he doesn’t want to see my son until his sleep issues are resolved is scary to me, because I have no idea when they’ll be resolved. He told me “your choosing to not bring [son’s name] to visit me when he’s sleep deprived is preventing me from having a relationship with him”. I know that my dad is in control of the thoughts he has about his relationship with my son, so I don’t buy into his model. I know he has a right to do this, and I feel a huge amount of grief. My dad said “I can’t solve this sleep problem, so I don’t want to see him until it’s handled.” I know he may change his mind, and that he’s acting from a place of trying to have control, but I don’t know what kind of a relationship I want to have with him moving forward if his response to not being in control, or being in discomfort, is to totally remove himself from our lives during a profoundly difficult time.

I don’t want to have a manual for him, but I know that I wouldn’t choose to continue being around someone else who acted like this. Are there any questions I should be asking myself, or resources in Scholars that could be helpful, to dive deeper into what I want in my relationship with him?