Great birthday present, I thought…


Yesterday I got a surprise from my husband and son (13). Monday will be my birthday, then he’ll be abroad. We went to a city nearby, there they told me we would go to have dinner and after that see a documentary. They told me together they had been thinking what I would like to eat and which documentary I would like to watch. They had enjoyed the whole process of preparing.
I felt great, thanked them and told them how happy it made me feel knowing they had spent time and effort in choosing this present.

Then, the restaurant was closed. And the documentary seemed to be much later in the evening.
I commented that it was all fine with me since I already had enjoyed (and was still enjoying) my birthday present; them figuring out together what I would love to eat and do.

My husband reacted with: “So, that means you don’t care. You’re not grateful. I’ll never do something like this again”. He explained his words with “if you really had liked the present you wouldn’t have accept this situation so easily”.

He agreed the three of us ate something together in a nice cafe. And there we talked. I tried to explain it’s not a lack of gratitude. For me the observation, feeling they had made the effort. I saw it in their eyes, was the best present. I mean this!!! He made it into something negative for him. I’m afraid my explanation using the model (you may think whatever thought you choose to think), didn’t really work…

He just couldn’t understand that I was happy with a ‘present that was a failure’. The situation felt really awkward.

My model

Unintentional
C. Husband says that I’m ungrateful
T. He doesn’t understand me
F. Disconnected
A. Explaining harder, like I know better than him
R. Being not so nice

Intentional
C. Husband says I’m ungrateful
T. He may think whatever he thinks
F. Grateful
A. Say I love them
R. Connected whatever he says

Do you have any suggestion for my model?
Thank you!