Grumpy at everyone


It’s been a couple day stretch of being grumpy at everyone, myself included, and I’d love your suggestions.
I’ve done pages of thought downloads and gotten some awareness about some of the many thoughts that have come up, but I can’t seem to gain awareness or be kind to myself through the feelings of irritability over really small things. I’m totally aware that I’m judging my thoughts and that’s not helping, but I’m spinning and would appreciate some outside perspective.

I think I kinda started down the slippery slope in the past couple days like so:

A guy I’m semi-dating often talks extensively about himself and superficial things like clothes and tells me lots of things about his day/his life, etc without much interest in mine. The thought came up: he’s not interested in me or in anything beyond superficial stuff. Then I thought: what if this is just a reflection of me and I’m the one-way street who’s not interested in others?? The feeling after that is self-loathing and I (Action) spin mentally, thinking about how I’m resigned to being alone, I’m not lovable, I’m selfish, I don’t love the people already in my life so how can I hope to love a man deeply, I buffer by checking my phone a lot, trying to find the right music to listen to to distract me, get easily bugged by really small stuff co-workers say or do.

I’m losing interest in this particular guy but am kind of okay with my reasons, but on the other hand I’m personalizing my decision to lose interest as another indication I am not lovable or capable of loving someone deeply, and that I’m flawed and don’t trust my gut. And feeling guilty because I know with all the scholars work I’ve done I should be able to like any guy that I have some core criteria met with.

I know this isn’t a tidy model, but I appreciate tips and input!