Guilty about my Mother


My Mother recently turned 72 and I asked her what were her goals for chapter 72 and she said “to lose her COVID pounds”.  My THOUGHT about her words:  That is so sad.  Background:  My Mother took me to Weight Watchers at age 11. I am now 50. I have watched her diet for most of my life.  We went to lunch yesterday with a group and as we looked at the menu she says “I’ve been wanting fried chicken for a week.”  It was like she was asking for permission.  She gets a fried chicken sandwich with fries and then in the car later she goes “I don’t know why I’m so sleepy.”

I’ve watched this inconsistency my entire life but now that I’ve moved back to my hometown I’m seeing it up close.  It brings up SO much resentment AND then guilt.  I want to accept my Mother as is but I judge her and I’m also angry with her.  I feel like this behavior is a behavior I adopted AND now at 50 still work my ass off to NOT make it my reality to say one thing and do another.  How can I create space for my Mother’s weight journey AND my own weight journey without guilt?  The bad part about this is that when I think like this and feel resentful I want to eat and sometimes I do…which then I become what I don’t like in her.  HELP!!