Haircut


I got my hair colored today and for the most part I like it. However it’s a balayage and I feel that the top part is too dark, I like more of an all over blonde, and when I kill my hair back it looks very “two colored”. Basically, I want some additional highlighted pieces so that when I pull it back it’s really still blonde.

But I’m sitting here in bed feeling some kind of dread. I’m trying to identify the thoughts. I think it has something to do with reliability. Since this was a new hairdresser, I now feel like I’m unsure I can count on the fact that I’ll like my hair immediately after the appointment. I’m going on a big trip soon and I want to like my hair, and now I feel uncomfortable with it. I feel like I can’t put my hair in a ponytail or bun. I wonder if I made a mistake. I feel ridiculously anxious about this, and I wish I knew what the actual problem is.

I guess ultimately I feel like the base of my hair is too dark and I want it lightened up. I also think it will fade a little bit as well, but again I don’t want to have to count on that.

A few models are at play

C: base of hair is darker than natural color, and it continues for about 6 inches of length at the sides of my head
T: I want my base to be lighter and for my hair to be more blonde in a ponytail
F: desire to ask hairdresser for change
A: ask hairdresser for what I want
R: I increase the likelihood of getting what I want

C: base of hair is darker than natural color, and it continues for about 6 inches of length at the sides of my head
T: my hair looks stupid
F: embarrassed
A: I don’t want to put my hair in a ponytail, I don’t want to go to hot yoga with my friend on Sunday, I wash my hair to try and make it fade, I worry that it’s gonna be like this next time too
R: I feel stupid and I hide

C: base of hair is darker than natural color, and it continues for about 6 inches of length at the sides of my head
T: I can’t rely on this hairdresser and I have a big trip coming up I want my hair to look good for
F: anxiety
A: ruminate worry don’t sleep post on ask a coach, want to buffer. I don’t feel confident.
R: I can’t rely on myself to have my own back

I think this has to do mostly with having my own back.

C: base of hair is darker than natural color, and it continues for about 6 inches of length at the sides of my head
T: he could say no when I ask him to fix it
F: anxiety
A: worry about not having someone reliable, picture the worst case scenarios in my mind
R: I don’t even ask him and make the worst case scenario happen in my mind ahead of time

C: base of hair is darker than natural color, and it continues for about 6 inches of length at the sides of my head
T: I can ask my old stylist to fix it
F: relief
A: keep that option in My back pocket, worry less
R: I have the option to have my stylist fix it

AH-HA

I figured out the actual problematic thought.

C: base of hair is darker than natural color, and it continues for about 6 inches of length at the sides of my head
T: I’m not going to be able to get it fixed
F: worry
A: Ruminate, get deeper into the worry, procrastinate taking action, don’t sleep, complain to friend, I want to buffer, I self criticize
R: I create more worry that I’m not going to get it fixed

Okay. I actually can see that “I’m not going
to be able to get it fixed” is just a thought that i actually have no evidence for.

It’s also possible that I’m easily going to get it fixed.

I guess also so what if I don’t get it fixed? That’s another question to explore as well. Why is it so important for me to get it fixed? Why is the color of my hair so important to me? Why must it be perfect? Well i certainly have a lot of stories about why my hair has to be the perfect shade of blonde and about my physical appearance. I’m going to be traveling soon and I’ll be taking pictures and yes I want to look perfect. Why? I guess I want to get attention and I think that If I look just right, just perfect enough that I’ll get the attention I’m craving.

So i think I see the solution to my first problem. First off I’m catastrophizing and really should give equal airtime to thought that it’s possible to get this fixed easily of that I’m 100% that I will get it fixed in the next two weeks.

The second part of my issue is a bit more elusive to me. How can I feel okay even if my hair doesn’t get fixed? I’m using my appearance as a way to get validation and attention – confirmation that I am pretty still. I want to be told. And I think if I just get it right, everything will fall into place. I think on some level I want “pretty privilege.” How can I dive deeper into this?