Happy in ANY relationship?


Hi Brooke,
I have a question about the notion you often propose that we can be happy in any relationship. I am wondering if you mean in any ‘healthy’ relationship, or of you really mean ANY relationship, and ANY marriage. While SCS has offered my the gift of learning that my thoughts are what really guide my happiness, I cannot see how that would apply to a marriage that involves violence, abuse, perpetual deceit, stealing, gambling, porn addiction, drug addiction, and cheating. I have experienced combinations of all of these behaviours in my previous marriages (2) and have left both. A big insight upon leaving my second husband (with whom I have three children) was that I cannot change anyone, and that trying to change someone in order to make ME happy is not my right and not possible anyway. By your notion of ‘we are always in the right marriage or relationship and we can be happy with anyone’ do you mean that by changing our thoughts about someone who does the things I listed above, such as consistently stealing our mortgage money to gamble and then repeatedly lying about it, or verbally and physically abusing us (in front of our children), or preferring drugs and porn to intimacy and commitment, we can accept them, stay in the marriage, and be happy? Where might boundaries come in, or even moving on?