Hate


Well this is definitely not how I thought my Friday evening would go. I’m sitting here, kids are in bed, and husband is gone. I’m sitting with all of these strong emotions that I experienced this evening: hate, bitter, rage, hurt, resistance, rejected, pity. My evening could’ve gone differently, but this is where I am because of the stories that I have about my life. The ones that I’m holding so tightly to. That it’s their fault my life sucks. I hate this life. I will never be happy as a mom. I don’t want this life that I have. I’m choosing these thoughts- I’m choosing to be the victim in my story, even though I don’t like the result that I’m creating. It feels so justified. Like I don’t want to just let go of it, or my life will really continue to suck. I’m running models on these thoughts and becoming clear on what these emotions actually feel like, instead of running away from them. What else do I do here?