Hate myself


> what are the reasons your brain gives you for hating yourself?

I uploaded files to the server without the database.
I have a lot of debt.
I don’t know what I’m doing in my job.
I’ve missed things in my work.
I don’t do a good job.
I don’t understand our clients’ businesses.
I can’t focus on my work.
I people please/lie.
I’m not where I should be with my work assignment.
It’s my fault if someone’s website has an issue.
I’m too weird and awkward.
I’ve made so many mistakes in the past.
I’m not leading my colleagues.
I consistently take longer than what I estimate.

> Take a look at the model that it creates to be sure.

C: email said ever since their website launched, their traffic has been down
T: I hate myself (because I did a bad job and it’s my fault)
F: self-loathing
A: ruminate about being fired, quitting, how this is my fault, try to find evidence that it wasn’t my fault. Check to see if my colleague replied to the email. Step away from the computer. My face gets hot, my thoughts are racing. I stop working on my project. My brain loops on “I hate myself”, I don’t question the blame this client is offering me, I don’t process my emotions, I don’t explore solutions, I don’t check in with myself on what is and what is not my responsibility here, I believe the client’s model
R: I do a bad job at managing my brain on purpose