Having a Problem with My Ex’s New Aggressive Wife

My ex-boyfriend and father of my son has a new wife that is not the nicest person. She is really jealous and since they have been together, the relationship I had with my son’s father has become nonexistent.

He rarely comes around to see my son. When he does the interaction is ok. No animosity. When she comes with him the energy changes. Suddenly he’s judgmental of me, won’t look at me, won’t talk to me.

She is just as nasty. At first at the beginning of the relationship she tried to be nice however the longer they have been together the more aggressive her energy has been towards me.

I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t like that they are doing this. I wish they wouldn’t. I wish they could stop being this way towards me. I don’t like people like that around me and I don’t like that energy in my environment.

I always end up feeling uncomfortable, defensive and on guard in their presence. Like I can never do anything right, like I always mess up something up around them.

I never know what they will say about me to others since many people have come to me to tell me they are saying nasty things about me behind my back and have even done so to my mom.

They don’t come into my home, but they have come to family gatherings since they are both good friends of my brother and his wife.

I know I have to manage my own thoughts around this situation, and I know I can’t control their thoughts about me. But I’m having a hard time getting past my feels about her and about how aggressive she is towards me in her tone, energy and actions. I also cannot control when she is around.

Other than avoiding her can you please help me to shift the way I’m thinking about this situation in a way that is more empowering because I do see where I’m coming off as more of the victim here. Also, can you please help me to shift how I’m thinking about her in a way where I can be full of more ease when around her rather than angst.